Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Randomize
