I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
