Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
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