i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
