Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Panties = found
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
