as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
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