The best revenge is premature balding
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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