I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Randomize
