so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Too much gin, very little bucket
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Randomize
