Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
