T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
