She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
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