Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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