Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
