just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
