He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
