I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
even my farts smell like vagina
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Randomize
