I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
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you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
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Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
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