My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Randomize
