Only a mothe r could love this liver
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
