i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I will be naked everywhere
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
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