I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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