Small penises have feelings too.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
