Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Randomize
