you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Randomize
