I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
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