My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Randomize
