Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
