Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
