I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
