Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
