Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
