i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
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Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
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He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
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