I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
