whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Randomize
