you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Randomize
