Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Randomize
