he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Is it because I queefed?
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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