Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
