So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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