What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
