i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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