She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Randomize