Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
