i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Swine flu is the new snow day.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
