i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
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Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I just want nice things and good sex
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
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Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
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