Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
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