Where did you get a picture of my penis
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
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