I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
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