I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
