So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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