So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Even my vagina gasped.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
