Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
