Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
