Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
