i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Randomize
